I Knew I Loved You
by Fae 206
Summary: Kurt knows deep down in his heart that his time with Blaine has always been magical and that Blaine is his Disney prince. However, locked away in a mental institution after a car accident with everyone telling you that you are sixteen and Blaine Anderson never existed might change how you think on that subject. Is everything around Kurt a lie or did Blaine never actually exist?
1. 1: I think I dreamed you into life

I Knew I Loved You

Chapter One: I think I dreamed you into life

The light cast heavy shadows upon the items in the room, giving them each a more sinister look. The dripping of one of the pipes could be heard; this was rather an annoyance each day but the silver lining was that one could potentially sit in this room and measure time this way. There was a dryness to the air, it would give one enough oxygen to breathe comfortably but the heavy level of dust, debris, and mold rendered any hope of exercise illogical.

In the room was a simple bed, white cotton sheets with a paper like quality. The pillow covered with a thin disposable lining, the bed frame was confining. The monitor by the bed would beep every so often as to tell that a life was being led. What kind of life it was didn't seem important, machines so rarely captured those things, but with this machine it gave you an answer to _if_ life was being lived in the most basic way possible.

There was a small table at the side of the room with magazines and flowers, gifts of sympathy from loved ones. It was funny being here, living here, but it was necessary.

Nobody liked living in a mental health facility, that included Kurt Elizabeth Hummel.

However, since the day of the accident he had ended up here.

On the wall were different clippings he had found and glued onto the wall using his saliva and a little bit of whatever food he was being served that day. Quotes were dotted around the room with these ripped clippings, words like 'I think you're adorable' 'You're the love of my life' 'Perfect' 'Living a teenage dream' and one that he would always look at.

This last one had been a product placement, an advertisement in a pop-culture magazine, it had two colors balancing against one another. It was a cherry red mixed with a dark navy blue. 'Courage'

The floor was covered with pieces of ripped paper that Kurt had thrown down himself.

'I didn't make him up' 'Blaine Hummel-Anderson is my husband' 'Blaine isn't a dream' 'Blaine is alive' 'Blaine is real' 'I had a life with Blaine Anderson' 'I married Blaine Anderson' 'I didn't make him up' 'I didn't make him up' 'I did not make believe Blaine Anderson'

'Blaine Anderson is alive and he is real'

'Blaine loves me'

There was a tapping on the door as Kurt looked panicked towards the door, he opened his eyes seeing his father standing there. "Dad!" he said in his strained voice, it was always strained after he had been left barely alive in that car wreck which had killed the other driver. "Dad! Where is he? Have they found Blaine?" he asked

Kurt's father looked at him and frowned, "Kiddo, Blaine Anderson never existed. We've gone over this,"

Kurt struggled to breathe, he knew he hadn't made it up. It was real, everything had been so real! It had happened, he had had a wonderful life and then he was in a car accident, but nothing other than that. Nothing had changed!

"Dad, I didn't…" Kurt couldn't believe that his father was suddenly looking away from him and to that stupid medication chart.

"Kurt," the older man said as he studied the chart, "You haven't been taking your meds have you?" he asked

Kurt looked down, "Dad! I don't need to. I feel okay! It's Blaine, I have to go out and see Blaine"

"You can't even confront a mirror," Kurt's father said honestly, it was true, even though he had full use of his working limbs, his body had been so torn apart he didn't even look at himself any more, he couldn't. "You need to be taking your medication. Your mother would not like your rebellious attitude, especially after you spent so long in a coma."

Kurt looked down, that was what his father kept telling him.

Everyone kept telling him that he had gotten in the accident when he was sixteen years old after feeling tormented by Karofsky. He had gone out shortly after Burt and Carole had gotten married, after suffering some fever dreams for two weeks, and due to emotional instability had flipped the car. He had spent a handful of months in a coma and come out raving about a man named Blaine Anderson who had offered him a life much longer than that he had lived.

It was a sad thing to happen at times, that the brain would make up a life out of subconscious fear that there was no afterlife and therefore a loss of what one felt that the world owed them. That you could dream up the perfect man, dream up a realistic relationship, and then dream up a sub-standard wedding before everything shattered.

Your sub-standard wedding was your brain returning to waking life. Your realistic relationship only what you had always wanted, always planned in your giant wedding planner book, always constructed for yourself when you played tea party and other games. Your perfect man only the composite construction of those who you had found yourself attracted to, those who you had wanted to bond with, those who you had continual crushes on even if he himself was just an idea, a fantasy, a Disney prince.

And then even though you felt that this had actually been your life and you had flipped your vehicle on a drive from New York to Ohio with your husband in the passenger side of the car. The truth was that you had been sixteen and wanted so badly to live, so badly to be happy, that you would create that happiness the only place you could.

Everything existed inside of your mind.

As much as he wanted to argue with it, Kurt could see the point that everyone else had about what had happened.

If only it hadn't felt so….real.

—

I really want to get my butt moving and finish my other works as well, I think I'm finally in a position to do that but am going to try not to do too much at once :) I will also be rewriting a few things so that they feel fresh and exciting to me again.

The title for this fic is in reference to a Savage Garden song that links with Klaine in my head


	2. 2: It's getting late and dark outside

**Chapter Two: It's getting late and dark outside**

Kurt hated sitting in this room. He hated how the leather material of the couch stuck to his leg, he hated how the light seemed to flicker every now and again and no one was changing the damn lightbulb, and he hated, most of all, that this psychiatrist he had been assigned to talk to sat in the dark. Every single session that they had had together, this man had been sitting in the dark, almost as if not being seen solved more problems.

Darkness solved nothing. Darkness was only one step towards vagueness and with the cold chills that would fill the room every so often, everything confused Kurt. Where could he find Blaine? Why weren't they letting him out of this prison designed as a hospital so he could find Blaine.

"I'm very concerned about you, Kurt" the man said in a familiar way that Kurt just could never place. The voice was strong, but it sounded as if he was being confronted each time he sat here.

"You shouldn't be," Kurt muttered.

"You're chasing after someone who doesn't exist, who isn't able to be chased," the man tried to remind Kurt.

Kurt frowned and wrapped his arms around himself, "Blaine is real, he's alive, and he loves me."

"Kurt, when we are alone and we want comfort," the psychiatrist said.

"I didn't make him up!" Kurt protested, his voice hurt more than ever and his eyes were starting to sting. Trying to convince himself of his life with Blaine had led to sleep deprivation and that was why his eyes were hurting so much. "We went to prom together twice, we danced on a table and sang Beatles songs, he led me down a corridor when I was scared and alone, we got married"

"Are you sure that you experienced those things together?" the man replied, "because I doubt those things could happen with someone who never lived. Do you remember the accident?"

Kurt took a deep breath, he remembered the car flipping over when he drove over the ice, he remembered the ambulance for the other driver, he remembered how scared he was and how before losing consciousness he had seen Blaine, and he remembered how his own face had been messed up and his limbs contorted whilst Blaine worried about him.

Why weren't they letting him find Blaine! This was wrong, he needed to be with Blaine because Blaine wouldn't care how his face appeared, Blaine loved him unconditionally. Was he so desperate for love that he had just conjured up this type of unconditional love?

"You were driving away from your bully. You were trying to clear your head from feeling unsafe and the car flipped over. You were in a coma for a few months, but you are sixteen Kurt. You never met Blaine Anderson, there _is_ no Blaine Anderson."

"If Blaine never existed, why did he _feel_ so real?" Kurt protested.

"Because you were sad and alone, because you needed to have someone, anyone, care for you as much as you'd seen others been cared for. You were scared about losing your father and told him you wanted someone, didn't your imaginary Blaine appear right after you said that that was what you wanted," the man said.

"Not imaginary, it was fate or destiny or really good luck or something," Kurt argued.

"You were scared that your father's heart would stop, that you would lose someone you loved, someone you could have helped."

Another cold chill, Kurt hated how cold this room would get. He wrapped his arms around him tighter. His eyes raised as the black curtain covering the window was blown to the side by the wind. The psychiatrist stood, walking over to a part of the room where he would not be exposed.

Kurt didn't even see him, all he saw were those familiar feet in those familiar boat shoes.

"Blaine," he whispered, hope in his eyes.

Blaine was standing right outside, he might have been looking for Kurt. He must have felt this sadness and he was just outside! They were nearly reunited.

"I've got to go," Kurt said as he felt a tenseness in his body and a deeper feeling of anxiety. Maybe what everyone else was saying was something that they believed in, but those shoes, those shoes could only belong to the love of his life.

He pushed himself from the couch and ran into the hall. If he went through the hallway and up those stairs, he would see Blaine. Once he was in Blaine's arms, he could prove that everything was real. That Blaine existed and that he loved Kurt.

Kurt started on his pursuit, he ran as fast as he could, but with every step he took, he felt something snag against his leg, they had laid down wires trying to stop him. They had made it harder for him to reach Blaine with these cables strewn across the floor.

As much as running through their trap stung, Kurt found his way to the stairs.

He pushed open the door using all his strength and was greeted by a downpour. He turned to see Blaine as cold ice hit his body. He was only wearing a hospital gown, but it didn't matter if he was next to naked, Blaine was before him and he was completely drenched.

"Hey!" Kurt called out to his husband, he wanted Blaine to turn around and look at him.

If only Blaine looked at him, everything would be better.

Kurt did not expect that Blaine would start running away from him without even turning to see him.

All Kurt wanted was to hold him, but as he called out for Blaine his voice got weaker.

"Turn around damn it!" he called out to the man who he now had to chase. "Look! Blaine! It's me! Why won't you look at me!" he yelled.

He was running barefoot, but Kurt didn't care.

He didn't understand why Blaine was running away from him.

"Kurt!" he heard Blaine's voice, "Oh there you are, I've been looking for you forever!"

Blaine stopped but suddenly Kurt felt dizzy, he saw the back of Blaine's head turning around looking for him. "I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine" he sang the words to himself, he was trying to comfort himself as Kurt often did when he wasn't allowed to see Blaine.

Kurt felt woozy but he just wanted to touch Blaine, he wanted to see Blaine.

"Do you wanna go?" Blaine asked as Kurt stopped trying to walk forwards, "We don't have to go back in there."

"Yes!" Kurt called out, "Yes! I want to go away with you!" he smiled

He didn't understand why after that Blaine had started running again or why it had all turned black, but it felt like Blaine didn't love him. If Blaine loved him why would he leave him? Why wouldn't he try all he could to stay together!?

He just wanted to be in Blaine's arms.

Was that really too much to ask for?


	3. 3: Filled with so much hatred

**Chapter Three: Filled with so much hatred**

When Kurt woke up, he was once again in the psychiatrists office. He looked around, trying to see if there were any shadows that were hiding the love of his life. Blaine wasn't there. Why hadn't he stopped to help Kurt? Why didn't he care about Kurt anymore? He should be there! It was the worst thing that he could have possibly done to run off like that and abandon Kurt.

"So," the psychiatrist said, "Are you feeling better now that you've woken from your little incident?" he said judgmentally

"No!" Kurt snapped, his voice feeling unexpectedly stronger, "No! I don't feel better! I want Blaine, I SAW Blaine!" he yelled, feeling the vibrations in his vocal chords. "Why are you hiding him from me!? Why did you take him from me!?"

"We didn't take anyone from you, Blaine Anderson never existed," the other man said in a well balanced tone. "As soon as you wake from this fantasy the better."

"He did exist! You took him from me! You can't do that!" Kurt felt himself grow tired, all these emotions were making him feel stressed. It was this stupid room that led to his body feeling all this tension. "I don't deserve to feel this way! I deserve Blaine! Give him back!"

"Where would we put him?" the man said, "Why would we take him? You're getting very over dramatic."

"I don't care if I'm over dramatic!" Kurt barked back, "I want BLAINE!"

Kurt nervously moved in his seat, he didn't feel right here. He wanted to go away and get wrapped up in Blaine's arms. Blaine would never fail to protect him and Blaine was where he felt safe. Blaine would sacrifice so much for Kurt, he had made that clear so many times, but why was he running away from Kurt. What had Kurt done to upset the balance in their relationship so much and take them down this wrong turn.

He blinked as he thought he saw the bookcase, still hidden in shadows, get thinner as books started falling off the shelf but never quite landing in clear sight on the floor. Everything felt like it was closing in on him, that the room was getting smaller and it was getting more difficult to breathe.

Any moment now there would be a screeching sound and the glass all around the room would shatter.

Another person made their way over to him, Kurt still couldn't see them due to the all encompassing shadows, but they handed him a cup of warm milk. He slowly took it, it felt cold in his touch. Was he sick? Was all of this a fever dream such as the likes of what they told him Blaine was.

Warm milk always comforted him and made him feel better.

He brought the cup up to his lips, but the warm milk didn't taste warm and it wasn't the same creaminess that he usually tasted with his milk.

Ice cubes hit his lips and the cold taste of slightly salty water filled his mouth. The cup started to feel lighter, easier to hold and more delicate and Kurt finally saw the glass that had been hidden by the shadows.

He didn't like the saltiness of this water.

He didn't like how thin this glass was.

He hated the feeling of the ice hitting against his teeth.

He threw the glass onto the floor. He wasn't surprised by the crashing sound it made as the glass splintered into dozens of pieces. What was more shocking was that the ice still sat there where he could see it, the water had made puddles around the ice.

Why was this still visible and the books that had fallen onto the floor weren't?

"Is this some kind of sick joke!?" he snapped at the psychiatrist, "What is the meaning of this, I don't want this. I don't want any of this. I want Blaine!" he said again, tears starting to fill his eyes. "You're an idiot! Stop holding me back! I want to see Blaine!"

"You need to calm down or we'll have to strap you down," the man warned Kurt.

"No you don't! I can't get to Blaine if you do that! I'm not crazy! I know Blaine is real and alive and that he's going to protect me!"

"Protect you?" the man asked, "What possible danger are you in?"

"I don't know but Blaine needs to be here!" Kurt choked, feeling a pressure against his chest. "He wouldn't just leave me here! He wouldn't just run away! The true Blaine wouldn't do that" he said as he struggled to fight against the words that were locking him away and making him feel as if his breath was leaving his body.

"There is no true Blaine!" the man yelled back, "You need to learn that Blaine Anderson doesn't exist, that he never existed."

Kurt wanted to punch the man in the shadows. He wanted to harm him because they were keeping him from Blaine. All this nonsense that Blaine wasn't here and he couldn't be here, that he didn't exist, it was all too much and Kurt felt the need to hurt somebody. Blaine had boxing, why couldn't Kurt box! Why couldn't he hurt someone! Damn his principles and his want for non physical violence, what mattered most wasn't that this man didn't get hurt, it was that he found Blaine.

"Are you relaxed now? Are you ready to face the truth?" the man asked.

Kurt hated the way that this man was belittling him! This man was making him feel inadequate and childlike. He was making these judgments about Kurt's well being when he was most likely the man who had taken Blaine away from him.

"How can you be ready to face the truth?" the man laughed, "You can't even look at yourself in the mirror"

Kurt didn't want to argue with that, because at least that was the truth. He couldn't look in a mirror. The car accident had ruined his face too much, he had those ugly scars because he had been driving recklessly. Maybe that was the reason that Blaine wasn't looking at him, maybe Blaine didn't want to see how hideous Kurt really was now.

Was that the kind of guy that Blaine had turned out to be!?

Was Blaine avoiding Kurt because Kurt wasn't beautiful anymore?

He had never thought of Blaine as that kind of person, but maybe he had never been in a situation where he could see that in Blaine. Maybe Blaine wasn't the Blaine he knew because the Blaine he knew cared about inner beauty and this Blaine was repulsed by him.

Or maybe Blaine really hadn't been real, maybe because Kurt needed to feel beautiful, he had created a man who had been able to help him experience those emotions. Now, when he felt ugly, the man who made him feel beautiful wasn't there because it would conflict with Kurt's thoughts about himself. After all, was any guy that romantic and centered around another person as much as Blaine Anderson was around Kurt Hummel.


	4. 4: I just can't seem to get enough of

**Chapter Four: I just can't seem to get enough of**

Kurt wrapped his arms around himself as he sat on the paper sheets on the bed. He didn't understand why they seemed so messed up right now, tears appearing in the sheets that hadn't been there before. He grabbed to his body, he felt everything around him was mocking him. It was all making fun of him and he needed to get to the bottom of this.

How could Blaine just run off like that!? After all the things that they had been through, after all of their time together. It wasn't fair!

Kurt noticed that some of the quotes he had put on the wall had become slightly more jagged, was this because they were too old or had he just not noticed this when putting them up over his room.

He needed to straighten them out, it wasn't fair that he would have the love of his life run from him _and_ someone come in here and disturb his space.

They were all against him, that's why they didn't want him to see Blaine. They were hiding Blaine from him, keeping him away because of whatever sick joke they were playing.

Kurt didn't appreciate it at all.

This wasn't a game to him, this was real life and he needed to find Blaine. He needed to know what the hell was going on and why these people were saying things to him that didn't need to be said. He wanted to be wrapped up in Blaine's arms, not with these idiotic people who were taking _his_ husband away.

Kurt went over to one of the magazines and looked at it.

Maybe he could clear his head if he cleaned up some of these items, and then he could figure out how to handle these morons he was now surrounded by.

As he moved, the sun shone through the window, temporarily blinding him and aggravating him to the point of nearly giving him a migraine. Well, screw the sun. His eyes hurt too much, his body continually felt in knots, and he was tired. _They_ were making him tired. The same people who had taken Blaine away made him tired.

Grabbing a black disposable bag from next to the table, he opened it to find it bigger than he expected.

An icy chill filled the room, but he had to get rid of things. He pushed the scraps of paper into the bag, but was stopped when he found some of Blaine's sweater vests in the bag, he found those yellow pants that were getting a bit worn out, that cardigan Blaine had with the hole in it that he refused to throw out.

Then he smelled it, the stench that overwhelmed him. What was going on inside this bag? Why would clothes give off such an odor, they were just pieces of fabric. Blaine did not have body odor problems so what was causing this?

Kurt dug through the bag and pulled out a button up shirt with a red wine spill on it, it was a well designed red shirt that he had thought had been plaid, but that was most likely the exhaustion that was constantly plaguing his body.

It smelled putrid and it made everything about this room hurt more.

It was hurting his head and making his eyes sorer. Damn Migraines! He didn't want to deal with the migraines right now and he threw the bag into the corner, making sure to pull the plastic ties as firm as he could.

It was too early to deal with all of that.

He turned slowly and jumped back in shock as he saw another figure in his room. A small, dapper man that he didn't know how to feel about.

Blaine was wearing the same outfit as he had worn to the Sugar Shack apart from the clothes that had been black were now a deep and dark red. Instead of that heart eyepatch, he was wearing a mask with more glitter than Kurt had thought possible. Blaine even had glitter covering his neck and hands.

It was primarily a bright red glitter that covered the masquerade style mask on his face, but if Kurt moved ever so slightly there was black, grey, and white specks as well.

"Why the hell are you wearing that?" Kurt asked, his anger taking center stage in his emotions. "I'm the one who looks hideous or are you making fun of me?"

"I think you're adorable," Blaine replied behind the mask. "You are the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio" he smiled.

Kurt felt his hands turn to fists as he listened to the words that Blaine was saying.

"We're not _in_ Ohio!" Kurt barked out, he didn't mean to be angry with Blaine but Blaine was just treating running away and Kurt's appearance as something to cruelly mock. "Can you just take off that stupid mask?" he asked.

"You can refuse to be the victim" Blaine continued

"I'm not trying to act like a victim," Kurt said as he wrapped an arm around himself. He just wanted to have Blaine's arms around him. He wanted Blaine to hold him and support him and _protect_ him like he always did.

"Prejudice is just ignorance," Blaine said again as Kurt felt himself caught as if strapped up in that straight jacket the psychiatrist had described.

"I know, but it seems like all you are doing is being ignorant!" Kurt snapped. "Just take that stupid mask off!" Kurt snapped, "Give it to me!"

As he reached out for the mask, the first thing that Kurt realized was how cold the mask actually felt. It was as if Blaine had put it in the freezer before wearing it. It made Kurt's chest draw in, cold shivers hit his back and upper arms, and his breath get colder.

All he was doing was trying to take this stupid glitter mask off of his wonderful husband, he wasn't attempting to do more than that and yet it was too cold. As he forced himself to pull harder, it felt as though Blaine had idiotically glued it to his face. Why would he do that? Why would Blaine become so moronic.

As the mask began to move, the glitter moved off and covered his arms. It was sticky and it made lines down his arms as it traveled down. 

Blaine really had frozen this mask to his face hadn't he?

Kurt felt his heartbeat quicken as the red glitter started to blend into his clothes and as he finally managed to get the mask off of the love of his life, he felt that he couldn't breathe. All he could see was a bright light and all he could hear was the beep of the machine slow down until it flatlined.


	5. 5: You Can Forget All Your Worries

**Chapter Five: You Can Forget All Your Worries**

The sounds of New York always seemed to excite Kurt when he woke up in the morning. Even though the loud city traffic and the other noises of very impatient people being woken up could be easily complained about, Kurt loved it. He loved knowing that he was far away from the judgmental bullies of William McKinley High School. He loved the rush of adrenaline he would get from not knowing what surprises this fast paced environment would have for him.

More than anything, he loved rolling over and seeing his husband sleeping in the bed next to him.

Being with Blaine was the best thing to do in the morning. He loved duetting, he loved that they finally had an apartment to themselves, he loved the smell of Blaine making him pancakes or French toast or even the fresh fruit being cut up when Kurt had wanted something healthier.

Blaine always cared so much about Kurt and now that Kurt was waking up from one of the weirdest and most painful dreams he had ever had, it was time to appreciate that Blaine was with him and that no one had actually taken Blaine away.

There _had_ to have been a lot of symbolism in that dream he had just had.

Blaine loved looking for the symbolism in dreams, he would carefully take out a notebook and ask Kurt to describe the dream in as much depth as possible and he would laugh at the silly little nuances that only the mind of Kurt Hummel-Anderson could conjure up.

Kurt really missed that smile, but finally the dream was over and Kurt would see it again.

"Please don't let me have a dream like that again," he whispered to himself, wrapping an arm around himself. "Please don't let me live that torture."

He didn't know who he was talking to, there wasn't really a thing in his beliefs that was a spiritual being, but he could be Kurt Hummel-Anderson and try to make these promises to himself. There was a chance that his mind would comply with his wishes.

"Blaine?" he asked as he noticed his husband's side of the bed was empty, he reached a hand out and felt how cold it was. Blaine's pajamas had been folded so pristinely and tucked under his pillow.

Had Blaine left him? Kurt didn't want to believe that, he didn't want to believe that Blaine would go away.

"Please, please don't have gone," he pleaded, "I'll be better, I'll be so much better," he said but there was no answer.

He just felt so alone.

Kurt got himself to his feet, the trail of Kleenex on the floor seemed to go on forever, he wrapped his arms around himself and looked around the room again. Where was Blaine? Blaine was supposed to be here, Blaine was supposed to be making him breakfast and singing with that goofy smile on his face.

"Blaine, please be here" Kurt said as he looked around, opening cupboards and seeing if he could find Blaine in a drawer. He felt like he was losing his mind. Where was Blaine?

Kurt went into the kitchen, there wasn't the usual bowls and plates that Blaine put out to make them breakfast. There didn't seem to be any food either. Even Blaine's cast iron pan wasn't out for when he made Kurt the delicious fried eggs and bacon.

Kurt's fingers went towards a black folder that was the only thing on the table where he and Blaine would eat together. He felt so cold and as he touched it, it was as if he could hear the sound of something breaking, some screech and then smash. It must have been outside though, that was where all the cars were in New York.

Yes, it was just the sound of New York being New York.

Kurt looked down before flinching in fear as he saw blood come out of a paper cut that the folder had given him.

If his finger had a cut though there might be a cut on these papers and the only way to know where the bloody piece of paper was was to search through the folder.

Kurt read along the top of the papers, they were a mix of car insurance, life insurance, and health insurance papers. He knew that he had been in an accident in his dream, but that's all it was, just a nightmare. It was the fear that he wasn't able to face manifested in a nightmare.

He looked down the forms but his eyes grew blurry, he couldn't make out the information and all of these papers were making him woozy. What was the information on here? Was it even important? Why had the files been left here on the table.

Blaine, Blaine would know the answer to what was going on.

Kurt whipped out his phone, pressing the speed dial to call Blaine's phone. He smiled weakly, once he heard Blaine's voice it would all be okay, he just needed to hear Blaine's voice, his laugh, he needed to _hear_ Blaine's smile.

Kurt stood there waiting for the phone to ring, "Come on honey, explain this to me and I'll do whatever you want. I'll cook you your favorite dinner, I'll do that weird thing in bed you suggested" he seemed to try to bribe the ringing on the phone.

"We're sorry this number has been disconnected."

Kurt stared in shock at the table and that folder that was making his skin tingle and hair stand up on edge. Why was that folder all he could look at right now? Why wasn't Blaine picking up his phone? Why on earth was Blaine's phone disconnected?

He didn't understand what was going on.

Kurt didn't understand why that folder was the only one on the table or why there were only paper bags everywhere instead of the usual black bags that one would put their trash into. He didn't know why Blaine was trying to run so far away that it was impossible to call him.

He couldn't breathe.

He felt wet and cold and there were pin pricks and water and…

Kurt saw something slip in the shadows and his attention was immediately drawn to it. He allowed his breaths to soften and even out.

As he made his way over to the item that had dropped onto the floor, he noticed that it was the tie that went with Blaine's Dalton Academy uniform that Blaine kept due to the sentimental memories. Why was it here? It should be in Blaine's closet.

Kurt sighed and put it on the material on the chair.

He gasped as he saw Blaine's Dalton uniform meticulously pressed and folded. His fingers stroked the collar of the shirt and he touched the fabric before hearing a loud beep. His head felt fuzzy and he saw black.

He woke up in the same room as he had been in at the mental institution.

Had his life in New York only been a fever dream?


	6. 6: Look I'm Still Around

**Chapter Six: Look I'm Still Around**

Why was he back here!?

Kurt couldn't breathe as he looked around the hospital room where the shadows seemed to have shifted slightly. Instead of there being balls of paper on the ground, there was just a single stone plaque that said 'Blaine Anderson is alive'.

It reminded him of the plaque that they had made for Finn after he had died, but this was saying that Blaine lived. Kurt didn't know why it said that, but it was a clue. It was a way that this world was acknowledging Blaine and then Kurt would find him and they would be happy. He could go home to the home he dreamed of and curl up in Blaine's arms with some coffee.

He just had to play through a few more rounds of the game of life, but he could win and then he would have Blaine beside him.

Kurt suddenly felt recharged, he felt his heart pump the adrenaline through his body as he knew he was nearly there. He was nearly out of this madness and with Blaine once more.

He took some deep breaths, he had to be calm and collected and confident, but if he gave it his all he would have Blaine back with him again.

They were made to live their lives together and die in a style resembling 'The Notebook'. This was the life that they were meant to live.

"Kurt, I need to talk to you," the psychiatrist said.

How could there be less shadows in this room and yet this strange man was always in the shadows.

Kurt's eyebrows creased into a frown, "If that's true then you can give Blaine back. You can tell me where he is and you can give him back to me."

"I can't do that, because it isn't so," the man replied.

Kurt took a deep breath in and pointed a finger at the plaque on the ground, "That says that Blaine is here and that you've taken him from me. I want to know where he is. He's my most important person."

"I understand the dire need in which you want to see him," the man said, "but first I need you to calm down and close your eyes and see where you are."

Kurt glared up at the man, "and if I do that, you'll return Blaine to me?" he asked

"I can't do that because Blaine Anderson does not exist, but I will show you the truth," the man promised.

Kurt sighed, he wanted to fight back against this other man. None of this was fair, it was all too confusing, all too painful. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

There was a cold wind blowing through the trees that cast a shadow, not only upon the ground below the leaves but on the eight year old boy's life. There was a cold chill, which didn't fit in with Kurt's memories of his mother's funeral, and snow was on the ground. He moved some of the fallen snow with his boot, catching the name 'Gucci' on the side.

Still, this was where they had buried his mother. This was the place he had gone to with his father after his mother's funeral, where they had laid her into the ground, but this time Kurt was alone. He couldn't see everything around him, but he could see the stones that told of people's lives.

He couldn't help but realize that the letters on the plaque looked eerily similar to some of these letters on the graves. What kind of cruel joke was this?

This was a sad memory to Kurt, one of the saddest in his whole life.

Why was his mind changing it though? Why was his brain trying to adapt it to a new time period, a new time of Kurt's life? What was this?

Kurt felt someone get closer to him and then he opened his eyes.

He was back at the hospital, but it didn't look like a hospital anymore, it didn't really look like anything but a white light. Could this be heaven? Could all of this be telling him that he was dead and without a belief in God he had been forced into purgatory? Was this God everyone told him so much about going to talk to him now?

"You can see me now" the psychiatrist said and Kurt wrapped an arm around himself.

He slowly looked up scared of what he would see, not knowing that the person he would be facing was…himself?

This man, this psychiatrist who he was constantly fighting against, was a clone of himself? This man was dressed the same way that he had done before the accident on the New York ice. There was the same tie, same accessories, same amount of hair spray and product. Kurt blinked, why was he talking to himself? Why had he wanted to confront this man so badly only for it to be his clone?

"You're…me?" Kurt asked as the man nodded.

"I am you," the other Kurt said as his voice and mannerisms changed, "I will always be you, but I'm not real. I'm not here talking to you, I'm only a reflection of the self."

This was insane.

It felt as if something like this would happen only to someone who was suffering from a psychological breakdown or had some high level of schizophrenia. Kurt wasn't talking to himself, he hadn't gone mad, he wasn't really in a mental institution because he had gone mad.

Or maybe he had, maybe that's why they were hiding Blaine from him.

Kurt had been trapped in this place to get psychological help and Blaine had had to hide himself because Blaine just wanted Kurt to get better. They had somehow convinced Blaine that Kurt couldn't get better if Blaine was here, but of course Blaine loved him too much to leave him. That was Blaine protecting him and loving him. Blaine wasn't running because he didn't love Kurt or that Kurt was hideous, he was trying to protect him and shield him.

"If only you understood that you're my rock who keeps me whole," Kurt laughed to himself.

The other Kurt offered out a mirror to Kurt, "Do you want to check your reflection now?" he asked

Kurt felt everything grow sharp inside of his body. He didn't know what he looked like, he knew he looked repulsive because of the damage he had sustained from the car accident.

Still, no matter what he looked like, no matter how repulsive or repugnant, Blaine was still trying to see him in any way possible.

Kurt very nervously reached for the mirror. His heart was beating inside his chest, but he assured himself that Blaine loved him. Even if he was a hideous beast, Blaine would love him. He smiled, finally feeling the truth and took the mirror in his hands.

It would be okay, it would all be okay.

He turned the mirror around and saw…himself.

He looked into the mirror, his appearance was fine, there were a couple of stitches and bruising and his nose had obviously been broken, but other than that he was fine. He wasn't repulsive or even ugly, it just looked like he had come out of an accident okay.

He could look at his eyes and though they showed so much exhaustion and crying, he was okay. He looked pale and sad, but he was okay.

Why hadn't the accident messed up his face like he always believed it would.

As he pulled back however, he noticed that he wasn't wearing a hospital gown at all but a formal suit, Blaine's favorite suit actually. His skin hadn't been moisturized properly and his feet felt weak but he was in a suit and tie with a brooch of yellow and red roses. His stomach started to tighten as he felt crowds of people around him, all dressed in formal clothes and he looked up from where he was standing.

"Kurt, are you okay?" Mercedes asked as she approached, giving him a side hug. "Come on, it's about to start." 

"What?" Kurt asked confused, they were in Lima, Ohio. If the accident had taken place in New York then how did they get to Lima so quickly, there was no underground tunnel.

Kurt looked at the car in which he saw his reflection. It was a hearse and inside was a coffin.

He felt the weight in his pocket, Blaine's wedding ring!

He spun around and felt everything inside him crumble when he read the words on the sign outside of the building.

 _In loving memory of Blaine Devon Hummel-Anderson_

Kurt pinched himself as hard as he could, but it wasn't going away. He could see clearly, there were other people around, it wasn't going away.

Blaine, his Blaine, was dead.


End file.
